I'm a Bad Blogger

Wow, I can't believe that I've neglected this blog for more than a whole year. My last post was about my infertility struggles and moving on to IVF. Needless to say, a lot has happened in the past year. Peter and I are still trying for a child, our process has just changed a little. We had met with an IVF specialist last October and they were supposed to be working on making a probe(to pick the non CF related genes) for us. It turned out that Peter had two cystic fibrosis related mutations, meaning that there wouldn't be any non affected genes to take out for the probe. We were told that our only other option for IVF would be donor eggs. Since getting pregnant with donor eggs was not a for sure thing, we decided to step back for a bit and weigh our options. During this time I went to a family friends wedding where I got to talking with a gentleman who had adopted his son. Peter and I had been talking previously about adoption, but after speaking with this man and hearing all of the wonderful things that he had to say, it solidified it for us. We were going to go the adoption route. I guess I had never really realized what a long process adoption in itself can be. In November and December 2014, we met with a few adoption agencies to see what the best fit for us would be. We picked our agency and got to work on the adoption application. We submitted our application in March of this year and are currently on the waitlist for the home study process to begin. Wish us luck. P.S. I'm going to start documenting our adoption journey on here, so stay posted. -Michelle

Riding the Rollercoaster - My thoughts on Infertility

I have been doing a bit of research into IVF today by reading blogs written by other women who have gone through this process. All of this reading and research has left me with a feeling of being overwhelmed and sad at the same time. For many of these women IVF was not successful the first time, or in some cases even the second or third times. The past 2 years have been such a rollercoaster of emotions. From looking for doctors, to getting Peter's genetic test back and realizing that we have a very real possibility of passing down cystic fibrosis to our child, to our most recent serious decision of using donor eggs. These past 2 years have been exhausting.

Those comments made at parties, "So when are you going to have a little one?"(usually made on the same day that wonderful Aunt Flow decides to arrive) doesn't help the situation either. I feel like these last few months I am like a fragile glass that at the slightest touch could shatter. Some days are good, where we do receive good news; having our initial consultation with Dr. Dayal was one of them. Some days are bad, where I just curl up into a little ball and cry; the day we received the results from Peter's genetic test was one of those days.

I told Peter the other night when we were discussing IVF, that in the beginning of TTC I felt that I was very optimistic about the whole situation. I would even take those dollar store pregnancy tests at 10 dpo just to see if I could see a squinter. I don't want to say that I am necessarily narcissistic about TTC now, I just feel like I have built up my hopes and expectations every cycle just to have them come crashing down. I'm not going to lie, its hard to stay optimistic and positive when your body has let you down so many times in the past.

Venturing into the world of IVF has me scared shitless. Not only because it's a lot of money, but it also is not a for sure thing. When you spend $20,000 on a car you expect to get a good product that will last you a long time. Not so much in the case of IVF. After signing that $20,000 check, there is still a possibility that you won't end up with a baby in your arms at the end of the process.

I am sorry if this post makes me sound sad and depressed, it is just the uncertainty of it all is starting to get to me. However, I know that I need to hold my head high and that it will hopefully be all worth it in the end. Bring on the shots, the side effects from the medications, the many bruises which I am sure I will have, and all of the poking and prodding. I am ready for this rollercoaster of emotions that I am about to endure.

Journey for a Baby- IVF Post 1

Since deciding that we are indeed going to go the IVF route a few things have happened. I had my first official appointment with Dr. Dayal last week. She performed a fluid ultrasound to check for any uterine cysts or polyps. None found! However, she did find that my egg production this cycle is a bit on the low side, which is not good for someone who is about to go through the IVF process, in this case using donor eggs were suggested. However, upon reading my AMH results she said that my ovarian reserve is normal for someone my age.

Yesterday I got a call from the case worker for Sher Institute that my bloodwork came back for my Natrual Killer (NK) cells. Apparently my levels are elevated. Upon doing a bit of research, I found that everyone has NK cells, they help fight off viruses and infection. However, with elevated levels and in the TTC side of things, these cells are basically 'attacking' the embryo preventing it from implanting and in some cases causing women to have chemical/ recurrent miscarriages.

Treatment for elevated levels is a 2 hour dose of intravenous intralipids(the same medication that they give to MS and cancer patients)prior to embryo transfer as well as upon a positive pregnancy test.

I am just hoping and praying that doing all of this will mean a little babe in my arms this time next year.
Fingers Crossed!

Going through with IVF

I think we are going to go through with it! We have to get the okay from my pulmonologist first since my lung function was under 50% last time after coming off of the flu. I have an appointment with him June 2nd. If he gives the okay, August is going to be the month for our first IVF session. I cant believe it. We met with Dr. Molina Dayal of the Sher Institute for Reproductive Medicine, she was so nice and took the time to explain every aspect of the process with us. I am so excited, but at the same nervous for the unknown. Here we go...

Update...Finally

Wow, feeling a bit ashamed, this poor blog has been neglected for almost a year now. 

Not much has changed on the TTC front. I am now on CD10 of my 19th cycle. Back in February we got the results of Peter's more in depth gene sequencing and the results were a bit shocking and confusing. He apparently has 2 CF gene mutations(I don't know them off the top of my head). The confusing part is that it is a known fact that two mutations of the CF gene cause the disease Cystic Fibrosis, however Peter has no signs or symptoms of the disease. 

After finding out the results we met with my CF doctor as well as a genetic counselor. My doctor explained to us that with the mutations he has, he is not classified as having the disease. As far as us having a baby, he said he has never seen the results of both of our mutations acting together (I have 2 copies of delta F508). He said there is still a possibility that if we conceive there is a 50/50 chance of the child not having CF. 

Now for the big news, today we are meeting with Dr. Dayal of the Sher Fertility Institute here is St. Louis. Back in February we went to a seminar on IVF and today we are meeting with her to talk more in depth and to see if it is something we can even afford. My stomach is currently in knots, I am so nervous, I don't know what to expect. 

Instagram

So I have really been trying to get back into Instagram. I love the effects that you can apply to pictures. I also love the fact that on Instagram the author is able to let the picture do the majority of the 'talking'.

Here are a few of my Instagram pics from this past week.

The last couple months

So, I feel bad. I haven't updated in the past month and a half. I will say that a lot has happned to keep me busy. 

TTC Front: I am currently on cycle 10, found a new OBGYN and I recently had an HSG done. TUBES ARE CLEAR! Peter also had a Semen Analysis done this past Friday and we hope to hear the results tomorrow. We have decided that if it doesn't happen for us by October(which is our 1 year TTC mark) we plan to do an IUI. 

Speaking of babies, I have a brand new little nephew! He is so precious. His big sister is so cute with him too. She's not jealous at all and points him out to anyone who comes near him. Makes me want to have one of my own so bad!

Got a new(to me) car last month too. 2012 Ford Edge. I love it. Sunroof, Moonroof and it has the touch screen. It's my current obsession right now. I am so glad I got it, I should have switched from a car to an SUV a long time ago.

25!

This past Sunday I turned 25. I had an amazing birthday thanks to my wonderful husband.

That evening we had a BBQ with his family and his mom baked me this beautiful cake. So blessed. Can't wait to see what's 25th year has in store for me.

So I'll admit it, I've been a slacking blogger lately. I'm currently on CD 10 of cycle 8 TTC and my 25th birthday is this coming Sunday. I always thought that I would be pregnant by the time I turned 25. Guess it's time to adjust some of those expectations. I am finally starting to realize that there is no way that you can 'plan' your life and that sometimes you just have to roll with the punches. 

Peter and I plan to go on a little fishing trip for my birthday. Hopefully I will be able to update with pictures.

 

Cycle 7

When we first started the whole TTC process, I never would have imagined that it would take more than 7 cycles to get pregnant. Here I am though, CD11 on my 7th cycle TTC. I am not going to lie, I have been more emotional every time I think about having a child.

 There has been one big question on my mind as of late, "Is it ever going to happen for us?"

Peter, I know is trying his darnedest to stay optimistic, myself on the other hand, not so much. I am just having such a hard time staying positive about the situation lately. My past two conversations that I have had with Peter on the topic has led me to tears. I just cannot control my thoughts or emotions anymore.

This cycle I have decided that I am going to give it my all. I've been taking my Evening Primrose Oil, I am going to start taking Robitussin starting tomorrow(CD12), I am going to use my Softcups religiously and we even picked up a box of Pre-Seed from Walgreens. I have heard great things about the product and am just hoping and praying that it does the trick this cycle. 

 

Coupon Score at Target!

Yesterday I went to my local Target to see if I could score the latest coupon match-ups for this week. Here's how I did: $48.49 worth of stuff for just $6.78!

Target is having a great sale on their Huggies and Pampers wipes. Buy one for $2 and get the second for $1. Match this with coupons for a great deal.

2 Huggies wipes $3 total.
Used (2) MFR coupons for $1.00 each(can be found on Facebook page)
Final Price = .50 ea or $1 for both!

2 Pampers wipes $3 total.
Used (2) MFR coupons for .50/1 (coupons.com)
Final Price = $1 ea or $2 for both.

Campbell's Skillet Sauce $1.99
Used (1) MFR coupon for $1/1(Campbells.com)
Used (1) Target coupon for $1/1
Final Price =FREE

Campbell's GO soup $2.36
Used (1) MFR coupon for $1/1 (Campbells.com)
Used (1) Target coupon for $1/1
Final Price = .36

Duncan Hines Flavor Creations Packet $.94
Used (1) MFR coupon for $1/1 (duncanhines.com)
Final Price = FREE

Nivea Lip Butter $3.14
Used (1) MFR coupon for $1/1 (Sunday paper)
Used (1) Target coupon for $1/1
Final Price = $1.14

Almay Concealer $7.79
Used (1) MFR coupon $4/1 (Sunday paper)
Used (1) Target coupon $2/1 shade corrector
Final Price = $1.79

Almay Eye Shadow $4.99
Used (1) MFR coupon $4/1 (Sunday paper)
Used (1) Target coupon $1/1
Final Price = FREE

Bought (2) Cofeemate for $1.50 ea($3 total)
Used (2) MFR coupons for $.75/1(coupons.com)
Used (1) Target coupon $1/2
Final Price = $.25 each or $.50 for both

Bought (2) Bengay $4.29 each
(They were out if the one for the gift card deal, $4.99 ones, so they subbed in the $4.29 Bengay for the deal)
Used (2) $2/1 MFR coupons (coupons.com)
Final Price = 5.78 and get $5GC so $.39 each

Couponing and Fitness

As I promise, here are my favorite Coupon websites:

The Krazy Coupon Lady

 Fabulessly Frugal

Totally Target  (Target Coupon Website)

I Heart the Mart (Walmart Coupon Website)

Wild For Wags (Walgreens Coupon Website)

For those in Missouri:

Saving Money in Missouri 

STL Mommy 

I check most of these websites at least once a day since there are always new coupons coming out. Checking everyday also helps to get those awesome Freebies!

On another note, Pete and I are working to get into shape. I am hoping that losing these couple extra pounds and getting in shape will help with the TTC aspect as well. 

I have about 10-15 pounds to lose and Pete is looking to lose around 40. 

My plan to lose the pounds: 

30 Day Shred

Clean Eating

Drinking Water 

Getting Enough Sleep

I am getting tons of motivation from Fitspo(fitness inspiration) pins on Pintrest and all of the Fitspo blogs that I have been finding on Tumblr. 

I have been at it for a couple days now and am realizing that it is a complete lifestyle change. Hopefully I can stick with it!

 

Crazy for Coupons!

I've found a new obsession: Couponing!

 Now please don't look at me like that, I had preconceived notions of couponer's before I started also, but once I got my first good deal I just can't stop. Hubby is all for it too!

I got all of the stuff in the picture posted below for just $4.50!

Once I get on my other computer I will post a list of websites that I use to tell me when deals are occurring at all of my local stores. 

xoxo michelle

Sharing my Story

Today (as I sit here doing my third treatment of the day) I have been looking for CF and TTC related blogs to get some motivation to learn and compare experiences thus far. While searching Google I came across my own blog. It's a strange feeling of pride finding my own blog on Google. 

Yes, I know that Google searches key words in web sites and lists them as the search result, so I should have figured my blog would show up. But it's just a nice feeling that other people who are going through what I am right now can type a few words into the Google search engine and bring up my blog.

I am proud that I can share my stroy thus far. No matter where this journey TTC with CF takes me, it's nice to know that other people can learn and share in my experiences just as I have learned from so many other TTC/CF related blogs.

Moss Easter Bunny Wreath

St. Patty's day is almost here and I have been looking all over for ideas for a nice Easter wreath. This wreath is inspired by the Easter Bunny Wreath over at The Privileged Door Etsy shop. 

I found all of my materials (besides the cardboard) over several trips to Hobby Lobby. The total cost of the wreath was around $6 or $7 with coupons. 

I had large pieces of cardboard that I had been saving from when I received our 20x30 large canvas picture from our wedding in the mail. The first step is to sketch the shape that you want onto the canvas. Don't worry if you mess up, it's all going to be covered with moss eventually so you want see any drawing marks. 

 Cut the shape out. I could not find any of my scissors around anywhere so I began cutting out the design with a serrated knife but after catching my finger with the knife I figured it'd be safer if I went and bought a new pair of scissors. Scissors are preferable!

I found this Moss at Hobby Lobby for $3.99 a bag(I used 2 1/2 bags all together). If you can find a big, long sheet of moss for cheap anywhere use that. Hobby Lobby had some for $20, so I just figured that these small pieces of sheet moss would be good enough and I would just piece them together. 

I just started piecing the moss on my cardboard.

I used Hot Glue as my adhesive for the moss but I am sure that Mod Podge or regular glue would work as well if you don't have any hot glue on hand. Be careful when you press the moss onto the cardboard since the glue is still very hot and can seep through the moss. This is one of the reasons I HATE working with hot glue, I usually end up burning my fingertips.

Your pieces can overlap the edges of your shape, we will just trim them down. 

Once I got all of my moss on I broke out my frilly ribbon that I found at Hobby Lobby for $3.99 and it was on sale for an additional 50% off too! SCORE! 

I cut a long strip of ribbon and tied it in a bow around the bunny's neck. I then took another long piece and hot glued both of the ends onto the back of my shape so that it has something to hang from 

Finished Bunny Moss Wreath. I realize that it hangs a bit low on my door, I still have to move my Command Hook to the right placement. 

Now keep in mind, it is still boring/ugly cardboard on the back. Once I get some popsicle sticks to glue on the back of the ears and the neck to stabilize/make the cardboard stronger(it was very 'bendable' in some places) I am either going to Mod Podge some green paper on the back or just simply paint it green. If you have a plain door, with no glass on it, there is no need for this extra step since you won't see the back of the wreath at all. 

Hope you like it and I really hope that this tutorial was easy to follow. If you have any questions please leave a comment.

 

Quick TTC Update

Just a quick TTC update.

I have no idea what is going on with this cycle. I'm not sure if I ovulated or not. The day I was supposed to ovulate was the day of the HORRIBLE doctors appointment so I am just hoping that I was stressed out and that it just delayed Ovulation.

I am so scared that this cycle, or any future cycle will be annovulatory. Not only do I want every possible opportunity that I can get, but I am so afraid of another obstacle to have to overcome. I WANT TO OVULATE ON MY OWN SO BAD. I don't want another reason to be 'broken'.

I did get my hemoglobin a1c results back from the doctor and the numbers are elevated a bit, 6.6. I really did not want to follow up with that doctor so I called my regular CF doc. The nurse (who I love, she is so nice) told me that I should get a meter (which luckily my mom has tons of laying around her house) and check my blood sugars a few times a day. Hopefully I will not have to end up taking insulin, but if it at all helps the chances of us getting PG, I will welcome it with open arms.

 

Sprinkle Shower Inspiration

My SIL is pregnant with her second child and is due this summer. A few weeks ago was her Gender Reveal Party and since she is having a boy this time (her first was a girl), she is going to need a few more things. I decided that I would open up my home and throw her a 'Sprinkle Shower'. 

The main purpose for a Sprinkle Shower is for a get together to celebrate her pregnancy. Rather it be a 'Shower', it's just a little 'Sprinkle'. 

I am so excited about it and just thought that I would post inspiration from my Pinterest board. 

http://pinterest.com/chelles07/sprinkle-shower/

I also plan to do flowers in vases like these: 

 I think that these are adorable too, and would be so easy to make. I love the striped straws as well.

Luckily, I have already found a place that sells sprinkles in bulk for pretty cheap. I can't wait. I love planning

 parties and this one is so fun from the food, to the decorations to even some of the games I have planned. If you wish to see the rest of my board, I posted the link up top.

Sad and Confused

Yesterday was my doctors appointment with the specialist. I really wish I never would have gone. The whole appointment was focused on my CF rather than my fertility(which was the reason I went in the first place). The doctor was all 'doom and gloom'. He said that since someone with CF's life expectancy is only 37 I better really start thinking about IUI ( I guess assuming since I am going to kick the can soon). By the way, I am only 24.

He also said that I really have to think about whether or not I am ready to make my husband a widower (???). He was so negative about everything. He ordered tests to check for pulmonary hypertension since that is another thing that someone with CF can get and can lead to death after pregnancy.

I just feel like he doesn't know me at all, he doesn't know my previous health history aside from OB/GYN appoinments. He has no idea the level of CF I have and that I am able to lead an active and productive life. He assumed that since I have CF that I was automatically on disability. NO SIR, I AM NOT DISABLED. YES, I HAVE A LUNG DISEASE BUT I MORE THAN LIKELY LEAD A MORE ACTIVE LIFESTYLE THAN YOU.

When I got home, Pete asked me how everything went. I ended up bawling because I didn't know what to make of all of it.

I hate the preconceived notions that people have about CF. But him being a doctor, I have to say, I really was not expecting that. My own CF doctor didn't bat an eye when I told him DH and I were planing to TTC. He just warned me that I will have to be more closely monitored and I will more than likely have to undergo a c-section.

DH and I are still planning to TTC. I have an appointment in May with my CF doctor and I am going to ask him to refer me to an OB/GYN that is in network that some of his other patients see.

I am at a better place this morning. I know now after speaking with my loved ones that I should not let some doctor who doesn't know me at all, put an expiration date on my life and scare me away from living it to the fullest(having children).

xoxo michelle

Burlap Ideas

Okay, so I know that I have been a louzy blogger as of late. Although I have been trying to refrain from posting more TTC updates since I don't want this to turn into a blog all about TTC. Quick TTC Update Though: My Eggo is NOT Preggo :( (yet)

Anyways, I have been searching Pinterest a lot latley, and have been getting that Crafty Girl itch. I have been wanting a monogram throw pillow for our bed ever since we have gotten married. I figured since burlap is so 'In' right now, why not try my hand at a Burlap Monogrammed pillow. I haven't attempted it yet, since I still need to trek over to my local Hobby Lobby to pick up some supplies. I did draw up a quick plan of attack though.

I hope to get my materials this weekend and have the pillow done sometime next week. I'll post with pictures of the completed project.

xoxo michelle

Trying to Make Sense

I know I haven't posted anything lately, I am just trying to make some sense of this current cycle.

I am currently at CD30/14DPO with no AF in sight. However, I have been having cramps and skin breakout, which I get before my period every time. I don't know what to think. I've already taken 2 pregnancy tests with my Wondfo test strips. I've decided if AF doesn't show by Wednesday I am going to break out my FRER since I only have 1 left.

xoxo michelle