I'm a Bad Blogger

Wow, I can't believe that I've neglected this blog for more than a whole year. My last post was about my infertility struggles and moving on to IVF. Needless to say, a lot has happened in the past year. Peter and I are still trying for a child, our process has just changed a little. We had met with an IVF specialist last October and they were supposed to be working on making a probe(to pick the non CF related genes) for us. It turned out that Peter had two cystic fibrosis related mutations, meaning that there wouldn't be any non affected genes to take out for the probe. We were told that our only other option for IVF would be donor eggs. Since getting pregnant with donor eggs was not a for sure thing, we decided to step back for a bit and weigh our options. During this time I went to a family friends wedding where I got to talking with a gentleman who had adopted his son. Peter and I had been talking previously about adoption, but after speaking with this man and hearing all of the wonderful things that he had to say, it solidified it for us. We were going to go the adoption route. I guess I had never really realized what a long process adoption in itself can be. In November and December 2014, we met with a few adoption agencies to see what the best fit for us would be. We picked our agency and got to work on the adoption application. We submitted our application in March of this year and are currently on the waitlist for the home study process to begin. Wish us luck. P.S. I'm going to start documenting our adoption journey on here, so stay posted. -Michelle

Riding the Rollercoaster - My thoughts on Infertility

I have been doing a bit of research into IVF today by reading blogs written by other women who have gone through this process. All of this reading and research has left me with a feeling of being overwhelmed and sad at the same time. For many of these women IVF was not successful the first time, or in some cases even the second or third times. The past 2 years have been such a rollercoaster of emotions. From looking for doctors, to getting Peter's genetic test back and realizing that we have a very real possibility of passing down cystic fibrosis to our child, to our most recent serious decision of using donor eggs. These past 2 years have been exhausting.

Those comments made at parties, "So when are you going to have a little one?"(usually made on the same day that wonderful Aunt Flow decides to arrive) doesn't help the situation either. I feel like these last few months I am like a fragile glass that at the slightest touch could shatter. Some days are good, where we do receive good news; having our initial consultation with Dr. Dayal was one of them. Some days are bad, where I just curl up into a little ball and cry; the day we received the results from Peter's genetic test was one of those days.

I told Peter the other night when we were discussing IVF, that in the beginning of TTC I felt that I was very optimistic about the whole situation. I would even take those dollar store pregnancy tests at 10 dpo just to see if I could see a squinter. I don't want to say that I am necessarily narcissistic about TTC now, I just feel like I have built up my hopes and expectations every cycle just to have them come crashing down. I'm not going to lie, its hard to stay optimistic and positive when your body has let you down so many times in the past.

Venturing into the world of IVF has me scared shitless. Not only because it's a lot of money, but it also is not a for sure thing. When you spend $20,000 on a car you expect to get a good product that will last you a long time. Not so much in the case of IVF. After signing that $20,000 check, there is still a possibility that you won't end up with a baby in your arms at the end of the process.

I am sorry if this post makes me sound sad and depressed, it is just the uncertainty of it all is starting to get to me. However, I know that I need to hold my head high and that it will hopefully be all worth it in the end. Bring on the shots, the side effects from the medications, the many bruises which I am sure I will have, and all of the poking and prodding. I am ready for this rollercoaster of emotions that I am about to endure.

Journey for a Baby- IVF Post 1

Since deciding that we are indeed going to go the IVF route a few things have happened. I had my first official appointment with Dr. Dayal last week. She performed a fluid ultrasound to check for any uterine cysts or polyps. None found! However, she did find that my egg production this cycle is a bit on the low side, which is not good for someone who is about to go through the IVF process, in this case using donor eggs were suggested. However, upon reading my AMH results she said that my ovarian reserve is normal for someone my age.

Yesterday I got a call from the case worker for Sher Institute that my bloodwork came back for my Natrual Killer (NK) cells. Apparently my levels are elevated. Upon doing a bit of research, I found that everyone has NK cells, they help fight off viruses and infection. However, with elevated levels and in the TTC side of things, these cells are basically 'attacking' the embryo preventing it from implanting and in some cases causing women to have chemical/ recurrent miscarriages.

Treatment for elevated levels is a 2 hour dose of intravenous intralipids(the same medication that they give to MS and cancer patients)prior to embryo transfer as well as upon a positive pregnancy test.

I am just hoping and praying that doing all of this will mean a little babe in my arms this time next year.
Fingers Crossed!

Going through with IVF

I think we are going to go through with it! We have to get the okay from my pulmonologist first since my lung function was under 50% last time after coming off of the flu. I have an appointment with him June 2nd. If he gives the okay, August is going to be the month for our first IVF session. I cant believe it. We met with Dr. Molina Dayal of the Sher Institute for Reproductive Medicine, she was so nice and took the time to explain every aspect of the process with us. I am so excited, but at the same nervous for the unknown. Here we go...

Update...Finally

Wow, feeling a bit ashamed, this poor blog has been neglected for almost a year now. 

Not much has changed on the TTC front. I am now on CD10 of my 19th cycle. Back in February we got the results of Peter's more in depth gene sequencing and the results were a bit shocking and confusing. He apparently has 2 CF gene mutations(I don't know them off the top of my head). The confusing part is that it is a known fact that two mutations of the CF gene cause the disease Cystic Fibrosis, however Peter has no signs or symptoms of the disease. 

After finding out the results we met with my CF doctor as well as a genetic counselor. My doctor explained to us that with the mutations he has, he is not classified as having the disease. As far as us having a baby, he said he has never seen the results of both of our mutations acting together (I have 2 copies of delta F508). He said there is still a possibility that if we conceive there is a 50/50 chance of the child not having CF. 

Now for the big news, today we are meeting with Dr. Dayal of the Sher Fertility Institute here is St. Louis. Back in February we went to a seminar on IVF and today we are meeting with her to talk more in depth and to see if it is something we can even afford. My stomach is currently in knots, I am so nervous, I don't know what to expect.